I'm giving away my old fridge, which may or may not be possessed by the souls of the damned and / or cursed. It's a small, white Daewoo fridge with an icebox at the top that can, on the coldest setting, transform a tray of the tears of the innocent into ice cubes of the damned. Also, it's missing the divider between the top and bottom section, which means it can hold two liter bottles of hellfire and damnation with ease.

The only downside is that it is a little louder than most fridges, but if it's sitting on carpet this is not really noticeable. Also when you open the door there is a faint screaming noise (hence OF DOOM) from the compressor. Again, not really noticeable unless you already know it's there. Which now you do.

• This fridge is free to whomever sends me the best fridge-related haiku. Pick up from Larkin House, Stern Hall.