I need to get this out of my system

Okay, here is the deal. I'm sick and tired of chips and salsa and beer at grad pow wows. I want the real stuff. I want to be where the people are, I wanna see, wanna see them...dancing. If you recognized that as the song from Little Mermaid, you better bet your buttons that's where it's from, and if so, we're probably soulmates, and we should probably get to know each other.
Anyway, so my goal is to attend a hoity toity new year's eve party. I have this theory that I would look pretty good in a sequin asymmetric shoulder dress that I would just HAVE to wear. If you have some sort of corporate NYE affair, how about you slap my name down as your plus one? We can even fake it and pretend like I'm your...significant other! gasp! I promise I we wont even have to talk before or after. We can just play pretend at the event. I'm pretty cordial, nice, and all those things that technically shouldn't embarrass you in front of your boss. I'm an engineering grad student, so technically, I should be smart, too. I like cotton candy and puppies and ponies and am usually referred to as the girl you take home to meet mom. That's probably because when I DO do that, I'll show up up with banana nut bread to impress her, so I also have some crazy ass domestic tendencies, not that that matters because all YOU and ME need to do is to go to this corporate NYE party and yes, I will be rocking that one shoulder sequin dress to bring in 2012. let's make this happen. but! it has to be fabulous. and magical. I want fireworks. If you work at Google, Apple, IBM, Facebook, Intel, Genentech, Roche, PARC, and the like, now we're cooking with gas.