Hi there!

I'm a desperate Stanford masters student and I'll say anything to get you to respond to the 47 ads I've apparently posted in the past month.

I even spent last month brainstorming reasons to explain why I can't normally meet girls. I couldn't pick just one, so heres's the full list:

1. I work at a successful private equity firm and don't have time to speak to a human being that I'm not massively screwing over.
2. I'm working on my thesis inside of a library which is inside bomb shelter inside of a mountain inside of a maximum security prison.
3. I have the power to become invisible, but not the power to become visible.
4. My last seven STD screenings have been HSV2 positive, but it's totally a false positive.
5. I just went through a really awful breakup and my ex girlfriend is still in my car trunk.
6. I'm gay.
7. I'm on an inhaler for my asthma that has a side effect of autism.
8. I'm a deeply insecure manchild who fears all social situations because of the potential for embarrassment, rejection, or the possibility that I might have to face who I truly am and make hard decisions about positive changes I want to make in my life if I ever want to be truly happy.

I've also made lists for what I want to do to you sexually (hint: they all involve pineapple) and fun activities that I have no real interest in doing, such as rock climbing, going to a museum, and watching Netflix.

So if you want this hunk of man, hit me up! No rush, though. I'm not going anywhere.