Fellow SUPostians,

I just wanted to let you all know that SUPost WORKS!

In the past year, I posted 59 ads looking for a girl who was tall, blonde, skinny, white or asian, athletic, interested in working out with me, interested in helping me destress, and willing to breed my children. Because I'm an incredible man, and literally willing to do anything for female contact, I offered in my posts to pleasure her, for her to pleasure me, to take her on a date, just to be friends or even just be snapchat friends.

I'm sure you remember some of my more classic posts, such as "fwb," "FWB!" "FWB!!!!!" and "Someone enthusiastic to go to Half Moon Bay this weekend and maybe suck my cock ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)????"

9820 winky faces later, I met her.

And she's perfect. Our first date is something I will never forget: the ambience was perfect, the appetizers were amazing, and the main course was exquisite too, though she had to go to an important meeting before it was served. Classic Sandra. Sure, she's a short, brunette, fat, Indian, self-absorbed couch potato with infertility, but she and I have spent literally minutes together, and it's all because of SUPost.

So thank you, SUPost. I can't wait to continue to post semi-coherent classifieds here, demanding a woman to fulfill my needs because I see women as objects who need a man as kind, as gentle, and as perfect as me to feel any sense of fulfillment in their lives.