I'm a North Korean grad student who needs a girl to marry and to take home. I return to my beautiful home in North Korea next month, so serious replies only!

Here are my stats:

• I am very handsome. I look very similar to Kim Jong-il (Dear Leader), but I am not as fit and skinny as he is, and I am not quite as tall as he.

• I am very wealthy. My apartment in North Korea has a toilet which is fully operational at all times, and which has never suffered from any malfunctions, except for one time when I relieved myself after a great meal of a huge burrito. The toilet was unable to cope with this enormous challenge.

What I want from you:

• You must not have any mental retardation in your family's history.

• You must be highly skilled in the arts and in singing.

Please, serious inquiries only! Make sure that you are of the utmost quality. I am a very busy man and I do not wish to answer emails from thousands of girls who do not meet my standards.